


If Only

by TinyFrostGiant



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 1987), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Character Dreaming, Fluff, Friendship, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14221944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyFrostGiant/pseuds/TinyFrostGiant
Summary: A terrible day leads Shredder to wish the turtles had never existed. But when he seemingly gets his wish, he realizes that a life without the turtles would be far worse than he imagined...





	If Only

Shredder knew exactly what kind of a day it was going to be when he woke to Krang licking his face.

At first, he thought maybe a stray cat had gotten through the window. Then he blinked and there was Krang, snoring on his chest and licking him happily.

Shredder groaned. No way was the rest of the day going to work out. The last time Krang had slept on his chest, he’d gotten a garbage can stuck on his head and he’d had to get bad Chinese takeout for dinner. Shredder turned over and pulled a pillow over his head. He was going to avoid getting out of bed for as long as possible. He wasn’t going to let anything ruin his day, and if that meant not even starting it, then so be it.

Then Krang burped, smacked his lips, and yawned right in his face.  _ I think I’d rather have a cat,  _ Shredder thought as he picked up the little maniac, who seemed utterly oblivious to his terrible set of manners. In fact, Krang seemed pretty happy, if the amount of pancakes he scarfed down when he got to the dining room was any indication. Another sign of a bad day.  _ Krang is never happy unless I’m completely miserable. Maybe I should just take the day off. _

“Krang, I think we should postpone our plans for that death ray until next week,” Shredder said.

“Why? I was so looking forward to building it today!” Krang whined.

Shredder gulped. “Are you sure? I, uhhh, just checked the weather and it says it’s going to rain for the next few days. I’m not so sure our death ray is going to even work.”

Krang raised an eyebrow, or at least, the closest thing he had to an eyebrow. “What’s going on, Saki? You’re not afraid of a little rain, now are you?”

“I, uhh…” There was no fooling Krang. That was one of the many downsides of working with a genius. “I just have a funny feeling that today’s going to be terrible.”

Krang rubbed his tentacles together. “Good. Then I can watch you suffer,” he cackled.

Shredder sighed. Krang was so predictable. Why’d he even tell him about his gut feeling to begin with? Krang would just make everything ten times worse.

“All right. We can get started on that death ray,” Shredder said. “But if it doesn’t work, don’t blame me.”

“I will,” Krang grinned. 

_ Is it too late to get back into bed? _

 

………….

 

Smoke sputtered out of the machine. “Krang, it’s not going to work. The engine is overheating and all of the wires are mixed up.”

Krang just stared at him. Shredder flinched and went back to tinkering with the machine. More smoke bellowed out, obscuring his vision and sending him into a fit of coughing. No matter what he did, the machine seemed determined to thwart him.

After what felt like a week, Shredder managed to get rid of the smoke.  _ At least that part is working,  _ he told himself as he wiped grease off his hands and started working on fixing the wires.  _ Now it’s just two thousand other pieces until I get this blasted machine on its feet. _

“Turn it on,” Krang barked.

“Krang, I still have to fix the wiring, and the gears, and the gas tank, and the laser beam, and-”

“Just turn it on, you fool!” Krang hissed. Spittle flew from his pink lips and hit Shredder smack in the middle of the face.

Shredder cursed silently as he wiped the spit off his face and reluctantly turned the machine on. At first, everything seemed to be working fine. Shredder crossed his fingers behind his back. Maybe today was going to go all right after all. 

Then the machine honked, and Shredder’s heart sank. He figured he and Krang only had seconds to duck for cover until it blew. Ignoring the brain’s squirming, Shredder grabbed his colleague and dove behind a wall as the machine exploded.

Shredder winced as some of the sparks hit him. He held Krang to his chest, trying to shield him from the worst of the shrapnel. Krang seemed to be having the time of his life as Shredder was pummeled with bits of metal and fire.  _ I shouldn’t have even bothered to save him. _

Just when Shredder thought the barrage was slowing down, a huge chunk of metal whacked him on the head. Shredder groaned and fell on his face. “Careful, you fool! You almost crushed me!” Krang scolded as Shredder rubbed his head.

“And you don’t even pretend to care about me,” Shredder snapped. “I could have died, and all you care about is saving your own hide. Typical!”

Krang smirked. “If you died, maybe I’d have been able to take over the world for once!”

Shredder tried not to scream. If he threw a temper tantrum, Krang would just have even more fun. He grit his teeth together so hard that he swore he chipped a tooth. “Maybe I’m sick of you treating me like your little toy. Maybe I have feelings too. Have you ever considered that?”

Before Krang could even answer, Shredder stormed out of the room. He couldn’t stay one more second with that hideous lump of flesh. He took a drilling pod to the surface and inhaled the fresh air.  _ Much better. Guess I really just needed to take a walk… _

Naturally, Shredder had only taken a few steps outside when who should run into him but Bebop and Rocksteady. Actually, it was really more like they’d  _ rammed  _ into him. Keeping track of all the times he’d bump his head today was futile. It would be more worthwhile to count how many times he  _ didn’t  _ run into trouble.

“What in the blazes are you doing?!” Shredder screamed.

Bebop and Rocksteady looked hurt. “Gee, boss, we were just tryin’ the capture the toitles,” Bebop said.

“You fools! If you spent more time looking where you were going, maybe you’d actually get somewhere for once!” Shredder snapped.

“Don’t mind the boss. He’s always cranky,” Rocksteady consoled his friend. Then he grinned, and Shredder twitched. What unspeakable horror was about to befall him this time?

“Boss, I made you some chocolate chip cookies,” Rocksteady said.

Shredder raised an eyebrow. He wanted to believe Rocksteady was being nice to him, but he and Bebop couldn’t touch anything without ruining it. “No thanks, they’re probably burnt already,” Shredder muttered.

Rocksteady’s ears drooped. “But Boss, I made them especially for you!”

“Just leave me alone!” Shredder screamed.

Bebeop and Rocksteady winced and backed off. “What’s gotten into the boss today?” Bebop asked as Shredder trod toward town, making sure to step on every sidewalk crack he saw.

“I dunno, but we better avoid him. Something tells me he ain’t exactly gonna give us hugs,” said Rocksteady.

_ Have I ever been that nice to them?  _ Shredder groaned internally.

 

………..

 

Shredder was starting to wish he’d worn a trench coat. Every time he ran into someone who recognized him, he felt like throwing up.  _ Why do I even broadcast my plans to this blasted city in the first place? I’m a regular celebrity around here.  _ Shredder flinched as a girl he’d never even seen before ran up to him and started ranting about how he was giving her acne because all those times he tried to take over the city made her stressed, and how he owed her one for ruining her dating life.

Shredder was so tempted to shove her into the gutter. He toyed for a while with the image of her screeching as sewer water splashed her face. He snickered, then stalked off. It would have been hilarious, but he didn’t want to ask for trouble. Maybe on some other day, when he didn’t have to deal with Krang licking his face and almost getting blown up and Bebop and Rocksteady trying to give him food poisoning…

“Hey dude, look out!” said a familiar voice, far too late to stop Shredder from smacking face-on into a pole.  _ That’s the third time I’ve hit my head today,  _ Shredder thought as he once more rubbed his head and blinked away the stars. He almost jumped when he found himself looking into the face of Michelangelo.

“What are you doing here?!” Shredder demanded.

Michelangelo looked terrified. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get a totally mondo dent in your helmet, dude. I thought that pole was gonna knock you right over!”

“Since when have you sincerely cared about how I felt?” Shredder said.

“Geez, man, just trying to be nice here,” Michelangelo grumbled. He looked over his shoulder as he headed off in a different direction. “I’m going to Vinny’s. Wanna come?”

_ This is a trap. I am not going to blindly follow some stupid turtle into a pizza parlor,  _ Shredder repeated to himself as he glared daggers into Michelangelo’s back.

_ Speaking of turtles, I wonder where the Channel 6 crew is? Don’t they have something to stick their nosy faces into today?  _ Shredder wondered as he walked off. Almost on cue, April’s van slammed to a halt just inches from him. If Shredder had been any closer, he would’ve been hit.

April stuck her head out of the van. “Shredder! What’s going on? Are you going to replace the president again?”

“I’d love to,” Shredder grumbled. “I’m having a terrible day so far and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t cover it for your stupid channel.”

“This is perfect! I can already see the headlines!” Vernon said. 

“But Vernon, we can’t just exploit poor Shredder for a story!” April insisted.

“Who cares about how he feels? We’ll be rolling in the dough! Just imagine: ‘Breaking News! City Villain Not Blowing Us Sky High For Once In His Life!’”

Shredder shook his fist. “I’m gonna blow someone sky high all right, if I see that headline on your pathetic little show.”

“Shredder, you don’t have to be so rude,” April huffed. “Besides, I wasn’t going to use Vernon’s idea anyway.”

But Shredder had already run off.  _ Maybe a cup of joe will make me feel better.  _ Sulking, he shuffled into the nearest coffee shop and waited patiently in line. He could see the other customers glaring at him, but he ignored them. Who cared what they thought? So what if nobody cared about him or his feelings? He was used to that. That was what he wanted...right?

To make matters worse, they were all out of cream and sugar when Shredder ordered his drink. “I’m sorry, sir. Would you like me to get you something else?” asked the barista.

“Yeah. An apology,” Shredder said, baring his spikes in the barista’s face.

“What is this, a holdup? You put those things away or I’m calling the cops,” said the barista.

Shredder normally would have laughed in her face, but today he didn’t feel like getting himself in trouble. Instead, he tossed his cup in the trash and slumped his way down the street. At this rate he didn’t even care where he was going. He just needed to go somewhere to get away from all this bad luck.

When an old lady hit him with her purse, he didn’t even bother to respond. He just kicked a rock and watched as it rolled into the sewer.  _ The sewer! The blasted sewer! I bet I almost hit one of those idiotic ninja turtles,  _ Shredder said, suddenly realizing that he could have started a fight if anyone had been hit by the rock.  _ I’ve really got to pay more attention. Next thing you know, I’ll be drinking food from a straw in the hospital. _

As if on cue, an ambulance wailed its way into view. Shredder tried to scurry over the crosswalk in time, but instead he found himself smashed onto the sidewalk. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying as a million cuts all over his body stung and his jaw threatened to crack open with agony.

“That’s it! I’m going home and getting back in bed!” Shredder shouted. He didn’t care who heard. He just made sure to book it out of there as fast as he could. He heard cars beeping and people calling him a rude young man, but he ignored them. He had to get home before something even worse happened. What that worse thing would be, he couldn’t even begin to fathom. Honestly, at this rate, dying from a car accident might have been a boon.

Amazingly, he made it home in mostly one piece. Without stopping, he charged into the living room and collapsed on the couch. He let out a sigh of relief, pulled a blanket over his legs, and turned on the TV. Maybe he’d finally outrun the worst of his luck.

Instead, he saw April O’Neil reporting about him. “Today, local villain Shredder has decided not to take over our city. What does he have up his sleeves this time? And when will he strike? Stay tuned-”

Shredder turned off the TV. That blasted reporter! She’d promised him no, and now she had the nerve to report on him anyway!

Shredder got up for a glass of water. He felt a little better, but he jumped when he walked back to the couch and saw Krang sitting there, reading a romance novel. “Krang, what’s going on? Since when have you read that kind of garbage?”

“Be nice or I’m throwing you into the garbage yourself,” Krang said. “I’m only reading this novel because they canceled one of my favorite soaps! And the other ones I like aren’t on today! What else was I supposed to do? Knit sweaters for my dear deceased granny?”

“It’s fine, Krang,” Shredder said. Was there a chance that Krang was having just as bad of a day as he was?

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I’m going out to eat with your mother later tonight,” Krang added.

Krang could have knocked Shredder over with a page from his novel. “I...but…” Shredder couldn’t get a single word out. Krang, dating his mother? It would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic.

“Well, I found this great Japanese restaurant, and she said she was lonely and she wanted to see me again…” Krang looked very pleased with himself. “She said maybe we could do this every week if she has a good time.”

Shredder wished he would faint. This was just too much. “That’s nice, Krang,” Shredder muttered. “Go and have fun with my mother. I’m going to lie down for a little while. I’m not feeling so good.”

“Have you  _ ever  _ felt good?” Krang taunted.

“I’ll deal with you when I wake up!” Shredder called as he shut the door and lay down in bed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  _ Ahhh, I’m feeling better already. Now, if those turtles didn’t exist, my life would be perfect. _

 

………….

 

Shredder woke up feeling calm and well-rested. He slowly stretched, enjoying the feeling of refreshment. “A little nap was just what the doctor ordered,” he said as he got out of bed and rubbed his eyes. “I might as well see what Krang’s up to now…”

Except when he got to the living room, Krang wasn’t there. “Krang?” Shredder called. No one answered. 

“Huh. Maybe he’s working on something,” Shredder said as he walked around the Technodrome. Nobody was there. It was totally empty. Not even a note. It was almost as if Krang had never existed.

Shredder was about to chalk it up to Krang rampaging the city in his body when he suddenly heard a familiar croak. “What are you doing in here?! Sleeping in my bed like you owned the place!”

“Krang, I do own this place! Am I not qualified to live here anymore?” Shredder asked as Krang stomped into view. He giggled when he saw Krang staring at him from his bubble walker. He looked so ridiculous without his body that it was hard to take him seriously.

“Don’t just laugh at me! Get out of my house! I don’t take loiterers, thank you very much!” Krang snapped.

“Krang, I live with you! Don’t you recognize me?” Shredder said.

“Go away, you silly man! Go back to whatever comic convention you were heading to!” Krang said, shoving Shredder into a pod. “You take this thing out and never show your face again! I’m not your roommate, college boy!”

“College boy?” Shredder repeated. Before he could find out more, Krang pushed a button and he was sent whizzing to the surface.

_ What does he mean, comic convention? Do I really look that bad?  _ Shredder touched his head and felt his helmet.  _ That must be what he was talking about. _ Then he looked down at the rest of his body and gasped. He wasn’t wearing his armor anymore. Instead, he was wearing a stained hoodie and a pair of jeans. 

“Since when have I ever dressed like this?” Shredder asked himself. He opened the pod and looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. “I’m not even sure where I live anymore. It’s like the whole world changed overnight!”

He absentmindedly reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with an address hastily scribbled on it. “Maybe this is where I live.” He reached into his pocket again, looking for spare change. There was just enough for a bus ride to his house.

_ At least I have somewhere to go,  _ Shredder thought as he sat on the bus. It was so strange how nobody seemed to recognize him. Everyone looked dreary and completely depressed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the people around him look so dejected. What could have happened to make things this way? Surely the turtles would be able to help…

Shredder didn’t have more time to think about the turtles as he got off at his stop. As the bus drove away, he had to blink and check his address fifty times to make sure he’d gotten it right. The place was a complete mess. Tiles were falling off the roof. The wood that made up most of the house was sagging. Even the door was hanging off its hinges. Shredder half expected a ghost to pop out of the house and say, “Boo!”

“I can’t believe I’d live in this place. What a wreck!” Shredder complained as he entered and locked his door. The floor was littered with food wrappers and plastic water bottles. Cringing as he waded through the trash, Shredder found his way to a room with a ratty couch, a mattress, a dingy little lamp, a rotting wooden chair, and a desk. After some more investigation, it seemed that this room and the entrance were the only rooms in the entire house.

“When’s the last time anyone cleaned in here?” Shredder asked as he opened the blinds. A cloud of moths attacked his face. Coughing and waving away dust, Shredder looked out the window. A couple of sad plants were drooping in the backyard, along with a cracked birdbath. Not even a squirrel wanted to visit that yard.

Shredder suddenly heard a rustling sound. He jumped and yelped when he saw a cockroach scuttling out of a pile of papers on the desk. He brought his hand down hard and gagged at the crunch of shattering shell. Still shaking, Shredder plopped down at the desk and looked at the papers. Most of them were assignments for a college class on literature. The rest were scraps of stories, half scribbled-out and padded with rejection letters.

“So, I’m a college student in this world?” Shredder said. “I always thought I’d never get published, but...but this is even worse than I’d imagined!”

A crash echoed outside. Armed with a fork he’d found on the couch, Shredded cautiously tiptoed towards the door. To his surprise, Bebop and Rocksteady, no longer mutants, were standing at his door, pointing guns at him.

“Hand over the dough!” snorted Bebop.

Shredder laughed. “I’m broke! Can’t you morons see that?”

“It doesn’t matter. We’re broke too!” exclaimed Rocksteady. “Now hand over the money before anyone gets hurt.”

Shredder grumbled and handed them a wad of cash. The two wandered off, moaning about what a cheapskate Shredder was.

“At this rate I’m going to have to live in the sewers myself,” Shredder mumbled. His stomach growled impatiently. Shredder hadn’t thought about eating, what with the crazy revelations and all, but now he found himself absolutely starving. 

Heading back into the main room, he found a fridge in the corner that he hadn’t seen before. Shredder laughed when he opened the fridge. The only thing in there was ramen. Piles upon piles of cheap instant ramen. “I really  _ am  _ broke!” Shredder said as he prepared some food. He almost choked; the noodles were stale and tasted like they’d been rolling around in slime for their entire existence. There wasn’t anything else to eat, so he forced himself to swallow.

_ Maybe I should have accepted those cookies. I’m sure they’d taste better than this,  _ Shredder thought as he finished his disgusting lunch. Now that he’d eaten and gotten his bearings, his mind had time to contemplate other things...such as where the turtles were. Since he wasn’t a villain in this universe, it made sense that Bebop and Rocksteady weren’t mutants, and that Krang didn’t know who he was. But surely the turtles still existed...right?

There was only one way to find out. Shredder pulled up his hood and snuck out of the house, hoping that nobody would recognize him. He’d only walked a few blocks when he suddenly saw the Technodrome roaring its way through the road. He could only gawk as it shot laser beams at buildings, burning them to the ground.

“Those foolish humans won’t be here for long!” Krang’s voice cackled from somewhere within the Technodrome. Shredder scratched his head.  _ Since when did Krang specifically hate humans? I thought he hated everyone equally. _

Shredder watched, dumbfounded, as Krang burned the city to the ground. “That’s the seventy-fifth time I’ve destroyed this wretched place!” Krang laughed. “Let’s see if I can make it to eighty!”

This wasn’t the Krang Shredder knew. Sure, Krang wanted to take over the world and conquer places and maybe commit occasional alien genocide. But he’d never displayed this level of cruel pettiness before. This wasn’t Krang being his usual nasty self. This was Krang taking revenge for...for what? Because he had nothing else to do?

Shredder tried to dismiss that last idea. It seemed so absurd. Krang, destroying things for no real reason just because he was bored? Why on Earth would he do that? Why weren’t the turtles here to stop him?

Then it dawned on him:  _ Maybe in this place, the turtles never existed to begin with! _

It all made sense. Why Krang was dangerously bored. Why Bebop and Rocksteady had been reduced to petty crime. Why nobody knew who he was. Why everyone seemed so depressed.

Shredder stumbled away from the burning buildings until he found a park. Everything was singed beyond repair, except for a stone bench underneath a scorched tree. Shredder sat down, staring at the dry cracked ground. How had this happened to him? Were the turtles really that important? And why...why did he care what had become of Krang and Bebop and Rocksteady? Shouldn’t he have been happy that he didn’t have to deal with their shenanigans anymore?

Shredder could care less about his actual family. Both his mom and his brother were complete embarrassments to him. If they disappeared off the face of the Earth one day, he’d probably celebrate. But Krang, Bebop, and Rocksteady…

Shredder couldn’t believe he was admitting this to himself, but he actually cared about them. He remembered one time when Krang had been sick, and he’d stayed home and watched soap operas with him. He’d complained about how stupid the shows were, and Krang had argued with him, but Krang seemed like he was enjoying himself. Shredder realized that his feelings about Krang were something beyond just mere coworkers. Krang had become a friend to him. A very strange, insulting, bad-tempered friend, but a friend nonetheless. And maybe something even more than that.

Shredder shifted his thoughts to Bebop and Rocksteady. There were days he’d love to send them to be made into pork chops. But the Technodrome was too quiet when they weren’t there. He’d never had the heart to kick them out. Even though they always failed, and he was always disappointed by them...he couldn’t let them go. Somehow, he had faith every time that they would finally deliver on their promises. They never did, but he didn’t want to give up on them. He liked them. Again, they were obnoxious and stupid and embarrassing. But he still liked them.

No wonder Krang didn’t like humans. Without Shredder, he’d never seen any other side to humanity other than the annoying people who lived in town. (Except April. Shredder liked April, if only because she was one of the prettiest women he’d ever seen.) Without the turtles, there was no one to really give him a challenge. The only thing he could do was burn everything to the ground again and again and again. But where was the fun in that?

Fun. Shredder was shocked to find himself using that word about the turtles. It was true, though; sometimes, he admitted he liked a challenge. He’d never managed to defeat them yet, but that didn’t stop him from coming up with various schemes to destroy them. He didn’t know what he’d do in his life if not for them. It was certainly better than living as a poor college student in a run-down house, where no one appreciated him or his genius. He may have been a criminal, true, but everyone knew his name. He was more proud of that than he cared to admit.

Shredder looked up. What was he going to do now? Without the turtles, without Krang, without Bebop and Rocksteady...who was he? He wasn’t Shredder anymore. He wasn’t even Oroku Saki. He was just a man without a life, without a purpose, without anything to his name. 

Shredder’s heart leapt up his throat as he saw the Technodrome rolling towards him. Would Krang be willing to kill him in this reality? Shredder didn’t want to consider that possibility. What else could he think, though, while the Technodrome aimed its enormous laser at him and Krang was laughing hysterically from within?

The only way to save himself was to convince Krang to remember him. Shredder stood and marched towards the Technodrome. There was no time for fear. He had to convince Krang to spare him, or...well, he didn’t like to think about that.

“Krang! Please! Don’t kill me! I’m your friend!” Shredder called.

“What a load of sentimental saccharine sappiness,” Krang said. “Why should I spare you out of the millions of humans there are on this wretched planet? They’re hideous. And I want to burn them all to the ground.”

“Wasn’t killing your own species enough?” Shredder said. Maybe sarcasm would catch Krang’s attention.

This version of Krang apparently didn’t enjoy a battle of wits as much as the one in his world did. “How dare you offend me, you miserable man! Prepare to feel the wrath of Krang!”

Shredder shielded himself as Krang fired on him. “Krang! You don’t have to do this! If we just find a way to bring the turtles back, you’ll have more than worthy opponents!”

“What turtles? I don’t know any turtles,” Krang said. “I’d rather make soup out of you!”

“Krang! No!” Shredder gasped as the beam hit him. He’d hoped it would be quick, but it wasn’t. He was burning alive, and Krang was enjoying every second of it.  _ And to think that I’d prefer fighting those reprehensible reptiles to this,  _ Shredder thought as his vision faded.

“Shredder!”

Someone was shaking him. Shredder groaned. What now? Had Krang found another way to torture him?

“Shredder, wake up! You’re having a bad dream!”

Shredder opened his eyes. A big pink thing was sitting on his face. “Krang?” Shredder murmured sleepily.

“Of course it’s me, you fool! You’ve screamed so loud for the past few minutes that I couldn’t even enjoy my novel!” Krang said.

Shredder looked around, dazed. “Where am I? What’s going on? Where are Bebop and Rocksteady?”

Krang looked miffed. “What are you blathering on about? You’re right here! You told me you were going to lie down, remember?”

Shredder cried. He’d never been happier to see Krang in his life. “Krang, I’m so glad you’re here,” Shredder said. “It was awful. You kept burning everything in sight because you were bored, and we’d never worked together, and Bebop and Rocksteady weren’t mutants and they were petty thieves, and April probably didn’t have anything to report about because I was just a poor college student and-”

“I’m not interested,” Krang said. “Now that you’ve stopped whining, I’m going back to read my novel. Actually, I think one of my soap operas might be on now…”

“Thank you,” Shredder wept.

“For what?” Krang asked as he headed back to the living room.

“For...for being Krang,” Shredder said.

Krang was bemused. “Of course I’m Krang! Who else do you think I am? The vice president?”

Shredder sat up and got out of bed. “Where’s Bebop and Rocksteady?”

“Baking cookies,” Krang said. “Or rather, burning them. Now be quiet; my second-favorite show is coming on!”

Just to make sure everything was all right, Shredder took a drilling pod up to the surface. The city wasn’t on fire. People seemed their usual cheerful selves. But were the turtles there?

Shredder looked at a nearby bank and grinned. It would be so easy. If a bank robbery didn’t summon the turtles, then what would?

Shredder strolled into the bank, whistling casually. As soon as the teller saw him, he backed away. Shredder laughed. It was good to know that people hadn’t forgotten him, at least in this dimension.

“Give me all your money,” Shredder demanded.

“But-” the teller tried to protest.

Shredder waved his hand. “Give me all your money! Now!”

The teller hadn’t even finished handing over all the bank’s money to Shredder before he heard the swish of a pair of nunchaku. Shredder whirled around, and sure as daylight, the turtles were there, ready to punch him into submission.

“Turtles!” Shredder exclaimed. “I’m so glad to see you!”

“Yeah, and so are we,” Raphael snarked.

Shredder shook his head. “I’m serious! If you weren’t here, you have no idea how horrible things would be!”

All the turtles gave him a suspicious look. Shredder blushed. He figured he owed them an explanation. “I dreamed I lived in a world where you never existed. It was terrible! Krang was destroying things for no reason, and everyone was miserable, and I had to live in this broken-down house with only ramen to eat!”

“So...you’re saying you’re glad we exist, dude?” Michelangelo asked.

“Exactly!” Shredder said. For a split second, he considered hugging the turtles.  _ Nah, they’d check me into a psych ward. I think they’re confused enough as it is. _

“So...are you gonna finish robbing the bank or not?” Raphael interjected.

“No!” Shredder said. “I only wanted to make sure you turtles still existed! I’m taking the rest of the day off. Farewell, you wretched reptiles!”

The turtles all stared at each other in bewilderment as Shredder left the building. Shredder didn’t care if they thought he was insane. He was just happy that, in this reality, he wasn’t alone. He headed back home, eagerly awaiting the cookies Bebop and Rocksteady were making him, even if they were burnt.

If Shredder had to be an embarrassing failure of a man, at least he was failing with people he cared about. And, for the first time, he was happy he was doing just that.


End file.
